don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
