pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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