I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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