Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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