The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
