I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
