so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
