Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Panties = found
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
