You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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