Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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