how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
