he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
