he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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