glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
