I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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