dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
