I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
