Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
