i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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