I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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