Why does Corona taste like a burp?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
