That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need a burrito and a hug.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
