We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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