You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
