How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
