Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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