she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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