I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
