I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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