i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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