apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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