He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
