Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
