he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
