My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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