peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
