Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
