don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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