Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
