Moan for me like Helen Keller
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i want to swaddle you in tequila
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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