Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
