When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
