I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
