so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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