You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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