I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
