I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
