just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
