What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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