That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
