I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
