I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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