I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
