If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
