This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
