DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
