I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
