Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
