I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
