we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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