i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
