you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
