Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

Fav 4 1161 2301
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

mornings like this make me wish i was morman.

Fav 32 1477 2442
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(770): View more from Georgia

I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

Fav 25 935 4767
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

Fav 111 12876 1875
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(254): View more from Texas

his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker

Fav 19 1179 9350
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.

Fav 27 5642 1347
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(774): View more from Massachusetts

After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.

Fav 17 974 3247
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Help me help you realize you are a moron

Fav 0 118 61
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.

Fav 0 29 14
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT