Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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