Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize