I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.