i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
