When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
