walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet