At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
