i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
