Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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